Life in The New RepublicThe Cambridge Village

Man sieht nur das, was man weiß - Goethe

To know the future with such certainty is usually the prerogative of the prophets. Unfortunately in the Global Village we're surrounded by scrying eyes - whacking an USB 3.0, an half an inch into your Cerebellum gets you there in no more than the time it takes to spit on a Benefit Claimant.

Will you turn the fucking volume down?

I've woken up in the middle of a Soviet-era, eastern-European play, written by a man who spent 36 years strapped to a block of ice, in solitary confinement for farting in front of Stalin's daughter

A mass-suicide to protest

The fuckin' world is falling to pieces and I'm standing there like a bus-stop lunatic, screaming about how we're all fuckin doomed, with the disabled planning on a mass-suicide to protest, except it's not a play, I'm not mad, and I'm not waiting on a number 7 to go score some of that shit that gives your pet-dog the power of speech.

The iPad5 that will exist solely in teh mind of its narcissistic owner

What we find when we gaze out of our newly ennobled techno-eyes is dazzling waterfall of iPhone4, 5 and 6's, iPad4's and the not-even-there-at-all iPad5 that will exist solely in teh mind of its narcissistic owner, and cost over $17,000 retail.

@Puffles2010 - self-styled Dragon Fairy 

Meanwhile, coming in from my temporal lobe, I've got @Puffles2010 - self-styled Dragon Fairy with a penchant for *looksaway* and *buzzlin* into Tweet about a disturblingly unreal 'best friend'.

A proxy for slagging off Gypsies and Chavs

S/he paints a picture of a mythical land surrounding my home in Cambridge, where over-privileged do-gooders pontificate about the short comings Society, as a proxy for slagging off Gypsies and Chavs like everyone else.

Most annoying person on Twitter

MP for Cambridge, @JuliusMuppetMP

It is a wonderful world full of Disney creatures tranquillized and captured by formerly redundant US Navy Seals and released into the warm inviting liberal glow that is Julian Huppert MP's buttock cleft.

Ginger and distressingly hairy 

(I deleted this paragraph, because although I'm quite prepared to go to the High Court to defend my right to take the piss out of people, I'm not prepared to give a company of muff-waxers an opportunity for that much free publicity)

To drive the sick and disabled into penury

The New Republic sees a bright future for his newly denuded valley as he gears-up to play a leading role in the Coalition Government's plan to drive the sick and disabled into penury, homelessness, food-banks and ultimately suicide.

Cunt.

Ok, this is going to hurt... But credit where credit is due. Teh Muppet has signed an EDM demanding that the ConDems release the report that indicated that the world will split in two if the NHS Bill goes through;

Man sees only what Man knows - Goethe

Edited 11 Feb 2012. Substantive changes.

The Trial of Socrates - Part 665

That'll be £50,000 plus £50,000 Court Costs, Please

The Trial of Socrates continues its glacial progress at the High Court in London, with a procedural hearing on the first of December debuting the case before Master Ley.

A claim for £50,000 & a small shrubbery

Socrates is fighting a claim for £50,000, a small shrubbery and an Order laying responsibility for the content of the whole of teh Intawebs, squarely at his feet.

Expensive, posh and good

Fisher Meredith solicitors are instructing Matrix Chambers, the noted UK human rights law firm in leading the New Republic's defence team.

Socrates meanwhile, is still chained to his desk at the University's law library and is refusing to leave on account of “blatantly anachronistic and old fashioned Regulations barring litigants from permanent residency on University property”.

Fighting for the dignity and self respect of women 

He went on to say "Fighting for the dignity and self respect of women with what often is a dustbin diagnosis of Borderline Personality Disorder is well worth a two year legal battle and bankruptcy.

The Right of the British to satirise a Californian shrink

Furthermore the Right of the British, to satirise a Californian shrink, is not up for negotiation"

Dustbin diagnosis of Borderline Personality Disorder

Are you any good at benefit forms?

The Official Solicitor has therefore been engaged to take over all of Socrates' other responsibilities and all of the staff at the New Republic are looking forward to receiving editorial input  from him and his team.

The Trial of Socrates

In light of David Cameron's demand that court trials are televised, Mr Justice Algenon Q. Marbley-Warburtons-Thickly is caught practising his summing up in the trial of Palmatier vs The New Republic in the hope of becoming the first ever judicial winner of the X Factor.


Socrates appearing under his real name of Mr Norma St John-Scott is fighting a claim for £100,000, £20,000, a small shrubbery and a super-injunction that will prevent him from speaking to anyone at all, ever again.

Ms Barbara Streisand commenting from her eerie in Malibu remarked

I'll shout it out from the roof,

I'll give the papers proof...

In light of the workload of this court case the New Republic is currently on hiatus... However it is likely you will be able to follow the events in the Press and the blog-o-sphere... 

The Trial

blogging hack digs out law books

Apologies for the dearth of new posts: our fearless editor is preparing to battle dragons in the High Court as the case for reform of the UK libel laws is brought home to bedroom bloggers everywhere.

The judge in the case, Mr Justice Algenon Q. Marbley-Warburtons-Thickly, can be seen in the video above, practising his summing up.

Further details will follow as and when and if we are able... A defence fund is being set up by people more sensible than ourselves and they will shorty be in touch with Direct Debit forms and emotional blackmail....

Socrates, commenting over a crackly telephone line, from deep within the bowels of the University Law Library, said this evening

“does anyone know how to spell
vexatious Yankee balderdash”